


Ghosts of the Past

by Rivermoon1970



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Hiding, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Near Future, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 12:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10412616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: 10 years ago Aaron Hotchner had disappeared into Witness Protection. Life went on, Prentiss became Unit Chief, then after two years left again. Spencer Reid was now running the BAU's Critical Response Team but he was feeling very out of sorts lately. Then a face from the past pulls him towards a man he had let go, a man he was ashamed to say he had almost forgotten. Now he had a chance to find him and try to make it right.





	

Spencer was sitting in his office looking out the small window to the left of his desk leaning back with his feet up on his desk. He was in a melancholy mood, unsure of where it was coming from. He had just hired a new, very green agent, who was about the age Spencer himself had been when he had joined the BAU. Maybe that was it. Maybe after near 25 years in the BAU, with a team that he barely recognized, Spencer thought about leaving.

When Prentiss had left yet again after two years as UC, everyone had worried who would take over. When Emily put his name forward, Spencer had been surprised, but he stepped up and took over. Rossi retired about the same time. Spencer had taken his time to bring as diverse of a set of people as Gideon had.

Gideon, just thinking about him brought out so many emotions. Spencer had put to rest the fact that he would never be able to tell the man all of the things he had wanted to. Hotch and Rossi had been there, as well as Morgan, to help him deal with his mentor’s passing. Thinking on Gideon made Spencer think about Hotch. The man had not been heard from since he had gone into WitSec ten years prior. Spencer had believed that he would come back, even if it were just to DC or even Virginia, but there never was any sign that the man had returned.

Of course thinking about Hotch made Spencer think about Peter Lewis and their mission to hunt the man down. He had become angry that the object of his obsession had been removed, this made the killer turn to the rest of the BAU, to play games and taunt them. Finally, in the end, they had found him. He had chosen death by cop, and Spencer couldn’t be there for that. It was the first time that Spencer understood, really understood why Hotch had walked away from other men that had chosen the same route.

These thoughts always made Spencer a little sad and a lot tired. They also circled back around in his head and always, usually always, stopped with thoughts of his mother. After everything they had tried, Spencer knew that nothing was going to help. He lifted his eyes to the ceiling and sent yet another thanks up to his friend Charlie for stopping him from doing something completely and utterly stupid. He almost got himself into more than a world of trouble, he was on the verge of ruining his whole life. Charlie talked him out of trying to obtain questionably legal drugs that were still in the trial phase and not ready for the general public. He also talked Spencer into putting his mother back in Bennington. When she deteriorated further, Spencer took a sabbatical and spent as much time with her as he could. She passed peacefully almost six years prior, but it was still a pain that would never go away.

Looking to the bookcase that was behind him, Spencer smiled wistfully as a hand landed on a law book. The newer agents just assumed they were his books from when he had finally obtained his law degree, but they weren’t. They had belonged to another Unit Chief, one he still missed more than he ever let on to anyone, other than Prentiss.   
  
Spencer shook his head pulling out of the memories by a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he called out as he put himself back to rights.

“Hey boss, there’s a young man here insisting on seeing you. He says you’re the only one who will understand.”

“Did you get a name, Jenkins?”

“He just said his name was Jack.” Spencer felt his stomach tighten in fear. He sincerely hoped this was not one of those visits.

“I’ll be down in a minute.” Standing up after Jenkins had left, Spencer looked out the window facing the bullpen. There, standing off to the side was a young man that was almost the exact image of the Father. Jack had grown into his looks. He still had a bit of Haley in the eyes, but the rest, that was all Hotchner. Girding himself for bad news, Spencer walked out of his office and went to greet the young man.

“Jack. It’s been a long time.”

“Dr. Reid. I’m sorry to just show up like this, but I need your help.”

“Jack?” Spencer frowned, wondering just what the young man could want from him.

“Can we talk? Privately?”

Spencer felt his team watching him, and he agreed that privacy was probably for the best. He did not want to talk about Aaron or any of the recent past out in the open. Some wounds were just not ones Spencer wanted to share, and Aaron Hotchner was still an open wound. One, Spencer thought he would never be able to resolve.

“Sure, let’s go to my office.” Spencer turned and walked up to the office and for the first time in the eight years he had been Unit Chief, it felt strange. Jack being here brought up too many memories for Spencer to focus on, especially with the melancholy mood that he was already feeling. He felt eyes on the both of them as they ascended the stairs, Spencer limping just a little. The old pain was acute today, another mystery for this whole strange day. Spencer waived Jack over to the couch, and they both sat down.

“What is it I can help you with Jack?”

“Dr. Reid...my Dad…” Jack looked down at a file in his hand. Spencer could see that he was nervous about something, which was so unlike the boy Spencer had once known.

“Jack, whatever you need to tell me it’s okay. Did something happen to Hotch?”

“He’s missing.”

Spencer frowned as he pulled up his legs on the couch giving him a more comfortable position to look at Jack.

“What do you mean he’s missing? And for how long?”

“Dr. Reid...Dad didn’t take leaving well. I know he did it for me, to keep me safe, but I was angry. I was ten and being pulled away from my home yet again because of Dad’s job. I know he didn’t ask for any of that stuff to happen, but I can’t say I thought about any of that logically at the time. I know Dad tried. I wouldn’t listen, and he became depressed. I didn’t understand how alone he felt and I...I didn’t help.”

“Jack, you were just a kid.”

“I got into a lot of trouble Dr. Reid. The kind of trouble that made my Dad sad. We even went to counseling, but I became rebellious. I just wanted a normal life. By the time I was fourteen, I had asked to go live with Uncle Dave. We argued, but in the end, he let me go.” Jack sighed as he gripped the file tight in his hands. Tears fell, and Spencer had no idea what to do. Victims he knew how to help and console, but this was different. This was outside of his purview; he thought the best thing to do was to let Jack finish.

“When I got into college, I realized I wanted to tell my Dad. He tried, Dr. Reid. I see now how much he tried, and I pushed him away so much that he stopped trying. Even Uncle Dave tried to talk to me, to get me to see how I was hurting us both, but I was stubborn.”

Spencer snorted out a laugh. That was the understatement of the year. A Hotchner being stubborn was anything but news to him.

“I have much experience with the Hotchner stubbornness. What happened Jack? Why do you think you father is missing?”

“I went to the house we had stayed in after the Marshal’s left. They told us Lewis was dead and he wouldn’t bother us again. We could even come back to DC if we wanted, but Dad...he said it was too painful. That he couldn’t return to a place that held too many memories. So, we stayed there. Anyway, when I got to the house it was all locked, his car was in the driveway, but he wasn’t in there. I went in and looked for him, but he was just...gone. I waited the requisite twenty-four hours, then called the police. I’ll be honest; they didn’t even really try. They thought maybe he just left and would come back on his own, but the thing is Dr. Reid, I know my Dad. He didn’t take anything from the house, not even clothes. He’s just...gone.”

“Is that the file?”

“This is my file. The private detectives that Uncle Dave hired, all my notes. When I went and talked with the LEO’s, and even the Marshals they didn't have anything on him. It's like they didn't even care. One Marshal told me that this sometimes happens to people who had been in WitSec, they close off and never return to their previous life, even if it was safe. No one actually looked Dr. Reid, and I’m scared.”

“Jack, how long?”

“Two years. I still went to school, but every weekend, every break I was searching. I put ads in newspapers, on the internet, everything Dad had ever taught me. This is my fault. I pushed him away, and I can’t even imagine how much that hurt him. What if he started drinking again? What if he’s out there hurt and can’t come home? What if another killer went after him? Please, please help me, Dr. Reid. Dad always said you were the best. That you made connections that no one else ever would. Please, no one is helping me. Even Uncle Dave stopped looking, but…”

“You can’t give up on him.” Spencer reached out and touched Jack’s knee understanding what the young man needed. “Okay. Leave the file with me. I’ll do some digging and see what I can find. I can’t promise you anything Jack, but I will do my absolute best.”

“Thank you.” The look of relief on Jack’s face broke Spencer’s, heart. The statistics of finding a missing person after two years were not very good. The fact that it was Aaron Hotchner? A man who put a lot of killers away even before the BAU became a cohesive team was quite a lot. Spencer had his work cut out for him. His mind was spinning with ways to approach this, as he led Jack out of the office and to the elevators. He knew what he had to do, there was only one thing to do, get the old team together.

* * *

“Pretty Boy, what are we all doing here?” Morgan asked as he leaned back in one of Spencer’s dining room chairs. Hank and Michael were in another room playing video games, while Henry was talking to Jack. The two had met back up in college and had become friends again. Spencer thought that maybe there was something more between the two young me, but he didn’t want to ask or bring it up till he knew what was going on with Aaron.

“Jack believes that Aaron is missing, and has been missing for two years now. We never talked about Hotch after he went into WitSec. We just assumed that he would come back and never considered the impact it would have on him emotionally to be taken away from us. After I had got the file, I called the therapist that had been trying to help Jack and Aaron. He, of course, didn’t want to tell me much, but I persuaded him to give me something.”

“What did he tell you, Spence?” JJ asked as he eyes flicked over to Henry for a moment.

“Hotch didn’t take the transition well. He became hypervigilant, obsessive, depressed. He had started to drink, and when Jack found him passed out one too many times, that was when he got help. It drove a wedge between Jack and Hotch. And none of us, after Lewis was killed, we didn’t even try to reach out, and I can’t imagine what went through his head.”

Rossi was sitting there listening, Spencer was hoping the man would say something.

“He contacted me after the Marshal’s finally told him. You’re right, Reid. He wasn’t in a good place. He was depressed and anxious. He tried to move on but felt very cut off. When I told him to come home, that he could move in with me, he said he didn’t know if he could come back here. I just assumed that he left and doesn’t want to be found.” Rossi took a sip of his drink and closed his eyes.

“What do you want to do, Reid?” Prentiss asked as she looked through the file.

“I want us to look for him. I want to know that he is okay. We owe it to him. Every one of us is complicit in making him feel like he wasn’t wanted. More than anyone else we know how much he holds onto guilt. He did it with Georgia, with Gideon, Haley, everything piled on, and we just let him go just like that.” Spencer rubbed at his eyes. He had been up the night before finding it hard to sleep. His own guilt in not reaching out settled in his stomach and even the coffee he was sipping turned sour.

He looked up and around the table to see almost identical looks on his friend's faces. They all felt it too.

“Well, Reid. You’re the Unit Chief now, how do you want to approach this?” Spencer was the only one working for someone else. Rossi was officially retired, Morgan had his own small company, JJ taught self-defence for women, as well as several fitness classes, but she could set her own schedule. Emily was working as a Private Detective. That one had thrown everyone, but she seemed to enjoy it. Spencer had a lot of vacation time coming to him. Standing he grabbed his cell phone and called AD Cruz.

When he hung up, after telling Cruz some of the situation, he had six weeks off. Spencer’s second, Ashley Seaver, would take over while he was gone. She had turned into quite the agent. Time, maturity and working in Andi Swann’s unit had given her a toughness she did not possess the first time in the BAU. Spencer was proud of her, and it made him think of his own mentors. Spencer was determined to find Hotch, to tell him how much he was cared for, and maybe give him a smack upside the head for not asking for help.

“I have six weeks. I also know someone who will lend us their plane. There is just one more person we need, and I know that Jackson will let us have her. Especially for this.”

* * *

The team, Spencer almost snorted at that. They had not been a real team for longer than he cared to remember, but it felt good. It felt right that they were the ones to look for Aaron. They talked on the plane, and that just led them all down memory lane. They bounced ideas off of each other, bandied around theories, just like old times. Spencer moved to the back of the plane and sat in, what essentially would have been Aaron’s seat and looked out the window. The coffee in front of him had gone cold, but he didn’t care. He sipped at it anyway.   
“Spence, you okay?” JJ asked as she slid into the seat across from him.

“How did we just let him go so effortlessly JJ? We know him better than anyone, and we all knew, we knew he wasn’t going to take everything that easily. If he didn’t go into WitSec with Foyet, why would he have gone for Lewis?”

“Maybe he felt that Jack was more important than the job.”

“I can’t accept that, and I can’t accept that we were complicit in just...forgetting.”

“We didn’t forget, Spence. We just..”

“Moved on? How is that not the same thing? How did we do to Aaron, what Gideon did to us?”

“I don’t know.” JJ looked out the window thinking. Spencer knew they would only get answers when they found Aaron.

When they landed in Michigan, two SUV’s waiting, courtesy of Jackson Grimes. That was a story for another day he had told the team. Spencer had gotten to know him very well a few years prior at a conference they both had attended, and the man liked to indulge him, even if they weren’t sleeping together anymore. Spencer had wanted something more, Jackson was too married to his work, but they stayed more than good friends. Even when pressed, Spencer chose not to tell the team what his relationship with the tech mogul was.

In the hotel they planned. Spencer took the lead, giving out instructions, going to Jack and Aaron’s house in Ishpeming. Spencer walked the home Aaron had tried to make for him and his son, profiling Aaron Hotchner. He had to detach himself, not think of him as Hotch, but think of him as a victim that needed help. He took his time and was meticulous. Jack hadn’t removed anything, which was a big help. In Aaron’s office, there was a locked cabinet. It was a simple lock, so Spencer just picked it and looked inside. Several handwritten journals were in there. Taking them out, Spencer sat down and read. His heart sank at the words, how alone the man had felt, how he tried so hard to be that father to Jack that he strived to always be. There were stains on several of the pages, some tears, and Spencer knew that some were alcohol. Closing the journals, Spencer took them with him before going and talking to the locals.

The town was quite charming, and the local police were more than willing to help. Spencer obtained as much information as he could on their investigation. Going back to the hotel, Spencer spent time reading through the journals repeatedly. There were things that Aaron had confessed in the books that he had a hard time admitting to in life. About to give up finding anything useful, he almost missed reading the last book. When he got done Spencer knew exactly where Aaron was, and it was the last place on this earth that Spencer had wanted to ever step foot on again.

When he told the rest of the team, they protested. They wanted to go with him, but he reassured them that he needed to do this on his own. He told them he would call when he had information and if his hunch was right. Reluctantly they agreed, knowing just how stubborn Spencer could be.

Packing up, Spencer called the pilot and let him know where he needed to go. Driving himself to the small airport, he gave himself time to come to terms with Aaron's admissions. He boarded the plane, the pilot was ready by the time he was settled. Spencer closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths pushing down memories of Georgia.

* * *

Spencer sat in the SUV just outside the property that had once belonged to Tobias Hankel. Spencer had put that all behind him, but it didn’t mean that sitting there and looking at the house that the memories didn’t still haunt him. He tried to understand what Hotch had been thinking, but he knew he wasn’t going to get answers sitting in an SUV. Getting out of the car Spencer only took his keys with him. He wanted no armor, didn’t really need it anymore because he had grown so much, even more since stepping up to Unit Chief. Spencer left his bag in the car, took a quick look knowing that if he took it...if he wrapped it around himself, he would close off, Spencer didn’t want that for this. Locking up he walked the rest of the way towards the house.

When he approached the house, he had been ready for the assault of memories, but they didn’t come like he thought they would. That had a lot to do with the fact that the house looked nothing like it had when Hankel lived there. As he moved closer, he saw a man digging in the dirt, putting in some plants in beds that butted up against the house. The color was bright, and with all the windows, it looked, from the outside, to be airy and inviting.

Spencer had taken a few deep breaths before he made it the rest of the way. He saw the man stop and square his shoulders, knowing someone was there and Spencer had a feeling that his gun wasn’t that far from him. Clearing his throat, he studied the back of the man’s head. The salt and pepper of the same short haircut the only indication, so far, that the man had aged. He still had long, lean lines, muscles in his arms that Spencer had always admired.

“Hello Hotch,” Spencer tried to put as much confidence into his voice as he could. He felt very out of his depth.

“Somehow I knew it would be you to find me.” Aaron stood and turned around. The two men stared at each other, neither moving or saying another word. Finally, it was Spencer that broke the silence between them.

“What are you doing, Hotch? Why…” Spencer frowned and waved a hand towards the house. “This?”

Aaron chuffed as he looked at Spencer.

“Would you believe me if I said I wanted to do something right in my life?”

“How is...this doing something right?” Spencer tried not to look towards the barn and the cornfields beyond.

“Taking something where so much pain happened and making something better out of it. I did a lot of it myself. It…” Aaron moved closer to Spencer, standing near him he also turned towards what used to be the corn fields. “I never got over the guilt for sending you out here. I had to make some kind of amends.”

“Hotch…” Spencer turned towards his former boss and sighed. “You have nothing to feel guilty for. I was as much to blame for what happened. I didn’t follow protocol, I made the choices I made that got me in the situation I ended up in. Not you, not JJ, not even Gideon. I made those decisions. You were there when I needed you, Hotch. That was all that mattered.”

“This wasn’t for you, Reid. This was for me.”

Spencer tried to understand as he looked over the property. Even the barn looked different. The corn fields had been cleared, and the land was dotted with cottages. It was too much work for Aaron to have done.

“I bought the fields, and everything then sold off part of it to a developer. The cottages are rentals, and I get a portion of the fees. A management company runs it, I don’t have to do anything. The barn, it was torn down. I cleared it all out, then some locals helped me put a new frame up. Do you,” Aaron hesitated as he glanced sideways at Spencer. “Do you want to see it?”

The ghosts Spencer was expecting weren’t there haunting him. He looked around the property surprised at how calm he really was. He turned again to look at Aaron and the sadness, hope, loneliness, and so many emotions were in the man’s eyes, Spencer knew he had no choice, there was no denying the man.

“Sure.” Aaron’s smile was worth any pain that Spencer might feel. He had not seen that smile in far too long. Aaron went ahead, Spencer right behind. They walked into the barn and Spencer was taken aback at the sight. Instruments and studio equipment was strewn around in a kind of mysterious organization that probably only made sense to Aaron. Guitars, a keyboard, drums and recording equipment sat waiting for someone to use them.

“What is all of this?”

“I’ve always played the guitar. It was not something I shared often and one of my regrets that I didn’t. The guitars are all of my own. Some of the local bands heard that I was playing and asked if they could use the barn. They like the acoustic effects. Just kind of grew from there. Several artists have recorded here. No one famous, mostly local bands or high school kids needing a place to practice.”

Spencer was no longer looking around the barn, he was looking at Aaron. He tried to remember the last time that he had looked this peaceful. He also wondered what happened in those years that he had no contact. His journals were only words on a page. Powerful, yes, but Spencer wanted to know in Aaron’s own voice what happened. Here stood a man he was having trouble recognizing. Circumstances, time, and distance had changed them both.

“You’re staring,” Aaron stated as he turned his head to look at Spencer. “You’re also quiet. I don’t believe I have heard you this quiet unless we were going through a door together, or studying something intensely till you were ready to tell us what you found.”

“People change.”

“Hmm. I never wanted you to change.” Spencer heard Aaron say almost under his breath.

“Life, circumstances, the job, it all changes us. What happened Aaron?”

A tilt of the head to look down was almost reminiscent of something Gideon used to do. Spencer wondered if he had developed the mannerism recently, or if a subtle form had always been there.

“Maybe this conversation is better done inside. Coffee? I have some of the good stuff.”

“Sure.”

Aaron went first leading the way back to the house. Spencer followed at a slower pace trying to figure out his emotions. He could honestly say that he was not sure what he was feeling. The melancholy that had started the few weeks before when Jack had shown up at the BAU was still with him.

Spencer followed his former boss in the reconstructed house, his earlier assumptions were correct. There was a lot of light. The living room had bold roomy couches, built in bookshelves filled to the brim. The kitchen was airy and bright with a large heavy table in the middle and made of a light colored wood with comfortable chairs all around it. Spencer watched as Aaron took out coffee, measured it out, poured water into the reservoir and turn it on. He had no clue what to say, which was a first for Spencer around the older man. They used to be easy, they used to talk, and it made Spencer ache to know that the man who had been a friend, he could no longer see in the man moving through the kitchen. He turned to look out the window and thought about where all the years had gone and how ten years could change so much.

“Here.” Aaron passed him a thick, colorful mug. It did not take a genius to understand the use of light and color around what he had seen of the house. Aaron was trying to chase away shadows. He knew they all had them, and each person had tried to find their own ways to chase them away. He lifted the mug and took a long sip, then frowned as he set it down.

“You remember?” Spencer asked not able to keep the surprise out of his voice.

“I may not have an eidetic memory, but I remember everything about you, Reid.”

Aaron took his own sip as he sat across from Spencer.

“I wanted to come see you, but everything happened so fast. I made the decision that I thought was best for Jack. For the first few months, everything seemed like it was going to be okay. Then, I just, it all started to go wrong.

“Jack wanted to contact you even though he knew we couldn’t. I tried so hard, Reid. I wanted to be that good father that everyone saw me as, but Jack was angry and my depression over leaving, not being able to be out there, forced to retire, it all caught up to me at once. I started to drink, and it pushed my son even farther from me. I never hurt Jack physically, but emotionally, I didn’t even know how to help myself, let alone my son.” Aaron frowned down at his mug of coffee and took a sip. Spencer ached to reach across the table and take his hand.

“He came to see me, Hotch. He’s been looking for you. He didn’t want to give up, but he didn’t know where to turn. He wanted to tell you he got into college, he wants to tell you so many things.” Hotch kept silent for a long time, and Spencer wanted to ask what was going on in his head, but he would wait.

“What do you want?” There was a vulnerability in Aaron’s voice that Spencer never remembered being there.

“I’m sorry?” Spencer looked furrowed his brow trying to understand what Aaron was asking him.

“We never talked about that night. Never talked about what we wanted. It was like it never happened, and I know you were still grieving. I know all about holding on too hard. Part of me feels like I should have made you talk to me, but so many things happened, and we just let it all go.” Aaron lifted up to look at Spencer. “I’m old. You’re still young. My chances…” Aaron waved his hand in the air like he brushing something aside.

“Aaron, you are not old,” Spencer couldn’t help the scolding tone in his voice. “And, yeah I was afraid. I knew I could fall for you, knew we kept skirting around it. It seemed like cases, life, people, they all kept getting in the way. You aren’t the only person to blame in not taking those steps, Aaron. I turned to you for comfort because you, more than anyone I knew understood what I was going through.”

“I should have done something after Hardwicke.” Aaron stood and went to pour himself more coffee, he leaned against the counter his knuckles white as looked down. A hand on his shoulder had him looking at Spencer from the side.

“All that time?”

The sad smile on Aaron’s face was all the confirmation that Spencer needed.

“You are a stubborn jackass, you know that right?”

Aaron snorted as a laugh escaped.

“And you weren’t?”

“I guess we were both stupid.”

“I’m not the same Spencer.”

“Neither am I. Too many things happened after you left for anything to be the same.”

Aaron had taken a long sip of his coffee before he spoke again.

“Do you,” hesitation had Aaron looking anywhere else but at Spencer. “Do you want to see the rest?” Gesturing towards the stairs at the back of the kitchen he waited.

“Sure.” Spencer tried to sound braver than he felt. The years were sitting between them, unspoken, unresolved. He felt like he had gained and lost something all at once, though Spencer wasn’t sure what it was. Standing he smiled a tight smile, tension running through his body as he walked behind Aaron.

The rest of the house was just as light. Bright walls, clean and inviting. There was an office/library combination, two rooms, and the master bedroom. Spencer wondered for a moment why the extra rooms when they entered the master bedroom.

“This is beautiful, Aaron.” Spencer leaned against the wall as his eyes roamed around the room taking in the shabby chic look of the furniture. Everything was so different from the apartment, then house Aaron used to have. The light antique furniture, the wide bed with a white wrought iron frame, airy curtains that let in a lot of light during the day. His eyes strayed back to Aaron who was looking at him with an intensity that had only been there a few times before in all of the years that they had known each other.

“Thank you.” The quiet vulnerability was back in the man’s voice, and Spencer had no clue what to do with that. Stepping forward, never letting his gaze leave Aaron’s face he reached out and gently cupped Aaron’s jaw. When the man didn’t flinch or try to move away from him, Spencer took another step till he was close enough that they were practically sharing breath.

“Trying to chase the shadows, Aaron?” Furrowing his brow, he ran a thumb across Aaron’s jaw as anticipation thrummed through his body. He knew if he broke away now, Aaron would close off, possibly hide from him again. Not physically, but emotionally and mentally. He was aware that, at this moment that if he backed away, he would lose the man forever.

“Aren’t we all trying to chase away our shadows?” Dark eyes swam with that same mixture of emotion as they did a few moments earlier. Spencer’s breathing shallowed as he tried to make up his mind. Whatever was going to happen needed to happen now or the moment would be lost to them forever. Taking a chance, he dipped his head to the side and moved in pressing his lips against Aaron’s. At first, nothing happened, and he thought he had read the situation wrong, but Spencer pressed a little harder as he wrapped a hand around a still trim waist.

Spencer thought he really had read the situation wrong and when he was about to pull away arms wrapped around him and pulled him in closer, and the kiss turned more heated. The kiss lingered but didn’t go much further. Aaron broke first and pressed his forehead against Spencer’s.

“What do you want, Spencer?” Aaron sounded not only broken but lonely and sad as well.

“Whatever you are willing to give.”

“What if all I’m ready for is friendship?”

“Then let me be your friend.” Of course, they both knew that it would be impossible at this point in their lives to keep denying the chemistry between them. That thing that had always been there and they both had run from at different times in their lives.

“What if I wanted to stay here? Could you do that Spencer? Or would it cost you too much.”

“It depends on why you wanted to stay. Are you still running?”

Aaron pulled away completely then sank onto the edge of the bed.

“Would you believe me if I said that being here, doing all of this, I found a sense of peace I haven’t felt in a very long time.”

Spencer let out a breath as he sat next to Aaron on the bed. He took a moment to look around the room trying to understand it all, to figure out this Aaron that was sitting beside him.

“What if I asked you to come back and help me run the team?”

“The most they would let me do is consulting. I’ve been out of the game too long Spencer. I don’t know if I can slip back into that world again.”

“Bullshit. Rossi did it, and you are by far a better profiler and investigator than Rossi. Come back with me. Give me six months, then if you feel you can’t do the job anymore, I'll let you go to do whatever you want. Even if it's to come back here and hide.”

Aaron stood and went to the window to look out onto his yard. Spencer watched him hoping against hope that the man he had once known and respected was still in there.

“Six months.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Spencer stood and walked to stand next to Aaron. He laid a hand on the man’s back and leaned in close.

“Because we’ve run from each other for far too long, and I regret all the years I didn’t try to find you. I should have fought harder on looking.”

“And I should have come back. I was lost, and I hurt those closest to me.”

“Jack wants you back Aaron.” Spencer laid his hands on Aaron’s shoulders and gently turned him around so they could look at each other eye to eye. “Your son has regrets as well Aaron. Come back with me, to DC. You can see Jack, and we can talk.”

Aaron looked around once again and thought about what it was he wanted. He knew he didn’t have to give up everything he had worked for in this place that had once seen terrible deeds done. Aaron knew of a local band that he trusted that had been asking about renting the place. Taking a deep breath, Aaron wondered if he was ready for the real world once more.

“Give me some time to think?”

“I’m booked into the Hilton. I have a few more days before I need to be back. Here, my room key.” Spencer pressed a keycard and a small piece of paper with a room number into Aaron’s hand. Aaron chuckled at how nimble Spencer’s fingers still were, he never saw the man make a move. Nodding he took the card then watched Spencer walk out of the room.

Two days later Aaron was walking toward the plane that had been waiting to fly Spencer back to DC. When he looked at the logo on the side, his heart almost sank. Aaron had seen the pictures, heard the rumors and knew that Spencer had been in a relationship with the enigmatic head of Grimes Tech. He gripped his bag tight and swallowed back tears trying not to jump to any conclusions. He wondered for a moment if the kiss really meant something, or if Spencer was just enticing him to come back to DC with promises of some kind.

He stood there looking at the stairs that would take him inside working up the courage to climb them. He couldn’t take one more blow, if Spencer were with Grimes, it would shatter the fragile ego he had tried to rebuild over the last couple of years. He almost didn’t want to find out, didn’t want to have his heart broken once more and his life shattered yet again. It would be the undoing of him.

He was about to turn around when a voice carried down to him from the top of the stairs.

“Running again?”

“Maybe just going back and continuing to piece my life back together.” Aaron didn’t turn back around, he didn’t want Spencer to see the look on his face.

“You’re making assumptions, aren’t you?” The voice was closer, Aaron had not heard Spencer move, but the blood rushing in his veins and dulling his already compromised hearing had dulled the sounds around him.

“Grimes seems like a good man. I admit, the two you look good together.”

“I’ll also acknowledge to you that we love each other, but he doesn’t love me enough. He’s even more married to his company than you ever were to the BAU. He doesn’t want that forever.”

“You don’t believe we’ve lost too much time?” Aaron gripped the handles of his bag so tightly that his knuckles were white.

“No, I don’t. I’m willing to at least try, even if all you can give right now is your friendship. I have missed you, Aaron.”

Closing his eyes and fighting the emotions that were warring within, Aaron turned around to see the look of worry on Spencer’s face. He had put that there, had made the man fear that he was going to leave again, and for a moment, he was.

“Besides, if you don’t come inside you won’t see the surprise I have for you.”

“Spencer…”

“Aaron, I know you have every reason not to trust me anymore, but if you ever did, you know the kind of man I am, so please trust me now.”

Nodding his head, Aaron steeled himself for whatever was waiting for him. Squaring his shoulders, he walked towards the stairs, then moved up them. When he cleared the entrance, a young man flew at him and engulfed him in his arms.

“Dad,” Jack yelled as tears streamed down his face. “I’m sorry Dad. I’m so, so sorry for everything.”

Aaron held on tight afraid that he was going to shatter into a million pieces. He buried his head against his son's shoulder and cried.

Spencer waited by the doorway patiently as Father and Son reunited. He knew that this was only the beginning of the healing for Aaron Hotchner.


End file.
